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20 Funny Jokes to take to Work

on Thu, 05/18/2017 - 21:05

Every stress-filled job needs a little injection of humor to lighten the workday load.  With deadlines zooming, quotas not being met, mistakes made while keeping up with constant changes and updates. Since the innate desire to shout and slam will not be acceptable try taking two jokes and laughing your way throughout the workday. 

  1. We should have known our new boss was going to was going to be mean and ornery, he had different colored eyes…two of them were blue. 
  2. You know the stress level has gotten out of hand when you find yourself at lunchtime standing in front of the microwave yelling, “Hurry!”
  3. You know you’ll be working more than a 40 hour work week when your first day on the job they issue you a badge, lap-top, cell phone and a sleeping bag.
  4. My friends say that they think I’m pretty and smart…which is why, of course, they are my friends.
  5. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
  6. What did the cow name her baby calf?  Patty
  7. How much did the cow’s baby calf weight when it was born?  A quarter pound
  8. Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?  Because they taste funny.
  9. Have a Happy Birthday but don’t celebrate with a glass of wine; I hear the wine-stompers in Italy are having a sit-in.
  10. Bring your daughter to work day, or as I like to refer to it: Marry rich or this is how you will end up day.
  11. I work for a good cause, ‘cause I need the money.
  12. I don’t drink coffee at work; it keeps me awake.
  13. The barista at the company coffee shop is getting a big aggressive. First his tip jar said, ‘Thanks a latte’, then it read, ‘Feeling Tipsy?’ now it has a big sign that reads, ‘Don’t make me put a bug in your drink!’
  14. I should have known my marriage wasn’t going to last by the way my husband proposed.  He said “I’d like you to take my last name... and add it to your checking account.”
  15. How come when you meet the right person you know immediately but when you meet the wrong person it takes ten years of marriage to find out.
  16. I want my husband to take me in his arms and whisper those three little words that all women want to hear,  “You were right.”
  17. It’s true gray hair makes you look distinguished.  It distinguishes you from the younger looking people.
  18. I remember when my attitude was, “Look all you want, just don’t touch.” Fast forward twenty years and now I’m like, “Touch all you want, just don’t look.”
  19. My boss tried to give me advice, he said I look frumpy and dressed better ten years ago.  I don’t know why he said that, I wear the same clothes.
  20. You know you’re getting old when you bend down to pick up something and think, “What else can I get while I’m down here.”